This past week I had the opportunity to dog sit for a couple little pups in St. Paul. Part of the arrangement was that I got to stay in their home- eat their food, drink their beverages as payment.
Here are a few reflections from my time:
10. Dogs and kids are similar but both have a major drawback. The positive for kids is- they can communicate with you better what they want. The positive for dogs is- they can be left at home for 8-9 hours so you can move about freely unhindered.
9. Dogs who are poorly potty trained are quite unpleasant to come home to because you will be hyper-vigilant to locate the warm pile of poo steaming in some hidden corner. The trick being that you must wait for it to cool before collecting and disposing of it.
8. We are living in wonderful technologically advanced times. The pinnacle of all inventions being, of course, the sleep number bed. I'm a 30-35, by the way.
7. House sitting is like trying on someone else's life for a while. Why yes, I will eat organically and have microwave meals that you can also heat in the oven that come in compostable containers. It allows you to try out new routines because you're in a new place- like drinking my morning java by a gas burning fireplace, instead of chugging it out of a travel mug on my commute.
6. Enjoyed their outdoor hot tub with my landlady and I got to think things like, "Is 103 degrees hot enough? That's the highest it goes."
5. I'm not really a bath-taking person. Probably due to the fact that I've been living in rental units for the past 10 years, and it's just creepy. However, something about Kohler appliances sparkling and shining; and though I was in a near strangers home- I took a bath in their 6 foot long tub...twice.
4. Lint rollers are the best friend to clean obsessed people. I used 4 sheets just about everyday on my clothes... Including my pajama pants- so I didn't get dog hair in the bed.
3. You never get use to picking up dog doo-doo around the house. Though I did start to ignore it in some places because I knew the second I picked it up, one of them would re-mark their spot. My plan back fired, however, when they just found new places to mark. My theory is that they had to hesitate a little more before finally popping a squat because they had to find a new spot.
2. I have never been so thankful for wood floors. (Referring, of course, to Top Ten #3)
1. At the first circling and slight squatting of a dog, the visual picture of me shooting up out of bed from a dead sleep- or up from the couch to grab the pint size dog and rush him/her with my arms outstretched about 1 foot away from my body outside to do their business. The words being uttered under my breath expressing my annoyance with the little pooping machine.
Drink to me only with thine eyesAnd I will pledge with mine.Or leave a kiss within the cupAnd I'll not ask for wine.The thirst that from the soul doth riseDoth ask a drink divine;But might I of Jove's nectar sip,I would not change for thine.I sent thee late a rosy wreath,Not so much hon'ring theeAs giving it a hope that thereIt could not withered be;But thou thereon did'st only breathe,And sent'st it back to me,Since when it grows and smells, I swearNot of itself, but thee.- Drink to Me Only With Thine Eyes by Johnny Cash_________________________________________________________________
(Troubadour troubadour troubadour)
The troubadour the troubadour sings from his heart
The song that's the hit of the show
Watch him sing and play the strings of his guitar alone in the bright spotlight's glow
The song was for someone he loved so true
Who loved him then left him for someone new
The troubaour the troubadour smile as he sings but his heart is breaking in two
[ guitar ]
They beg for more the troubadour sings once again
The song that's the hit of the show
Watch him sing and play the strings of his guitar alone in the bright spotlight's glow
There is a hush in the darkened hall a few hearts are heavy and teardrops fall
But in the crowd one head is bowed for the troubadour
And oh her heart aches most of all
Troubadour troubadour her heart aches most of all.
Let's reflect for a moment on the concept of genuineness.
I'll paint the picture-
A friend that you happen to work with requests that any response to the question "How are you?" (which is a DUMB question anyway) that varies from good or great be met with a story about what's going on in your life personally.
1. I am trying to maintain a level of professionalism in the workplace. My personal tales, whether yay or nay, are not appropriate to expand upon on the company dime.
2. As my friend, why am I not allowed to say, "I'm just okay today."? You should not try to change my current emotion. As a friend, you should accept me for who I am. Please don't ask me to be fake. I have to be fake with all the other workplace acquaintances.
3. What is really comes down to is that YOU feel uncomfortable by my less-than-par emotion. So really it's a selfish request.
4. What if my emotional state is extremely fragile? By forcing me to open up, you have just instigated a waterfall of tears, sniffling, flushed skin which may or may not be able to be turned off- messing up my makeup, my focus, and my professional demeanor. Thank you for trying to make yourself feel better which has now led to completely outing my personal business to everyone in my workplace.
As my friend, please don't pry into how I'm really doing in my workplace. Save it for a rainy movie night, evening beverage escapade, or tearful phone conversation- outside of work. Some days I am just faking it to make it.
Tossing and turning. Eyes closed. Thoughts spinning. I quietly find myself talking to my self inside my head. "Wish it was tomorrow already, so I didn't have to keep trying to sleep." "I hate that I don't sleep like a babe anymore- dumb adulthood." I look at the clock- "Well helloooo 3AM, remember me? We spent last night together as well. I hope we don't make a habit of these nocturnal rendezvous'. I could do without you... no offense."
I'm dog sitting. Staying in a strange house, in a strange bed. Both are actually quite comfy, but somehow sleep has eluded me. The pup slumbers soundly next to me. He actually snores like an old man. He turns and sighs deeply. The kind of deep sighs my mom always does and the kind of sighs that I have picked up on and do unconsciously as well. I think to myself, "What could possibly cause that dog to sigh so deeply? No job, no drama. His life is eating, playing, sleeping. No swirling thoughts." For a moment, I envy him. And then I remember he gnaws on rawhide and drools. Nope, not the life for me. I suppose it's better to be human.
Guess. Go ahead. Guess what I was doing 10 minutes ago. It's so nuts, you'll never believe it, but the thought of it might make you pee a little bit. But first, the background info:
One of my roomies accidentally spilled a reddish colored spice on the cream colored carpet a few months ago. After an unsuccessful go at cleaning it, we called it a day and threw a rug over it. Turns out, mister landlord man wants to sell the house when our lease is up in 2 short months. So, in order to save us the misery of all the deep cleaning at the end, I have started working on areas of the house that I could care less about cleaning as a normal person- but may actually matter when it comes to getting my dolla' bills back from the security deposit. In the spirit of all this, I swept and scrubbed the basement stairs and walls. Tonight, I decided to peel back that rug and try my hand at the ameba-like stain taunting me from underfoot.
I did all the steps my mother told me to do-
1. Go to Target
2. Buy some Woolite carpet/stain cleaner
3. Read the directions
4. Apply plenty of "homegrown" elbow grease
Well, since it IS a deep set stain, I applied a couple generous spritz's of the cleaner and "gentle" wiped with a damp cloth. The stainage seemed to be lightening, but only because the generous amounts of cleaner were sudsing into a foamy white. As an excuse to wear my brand new rainboots (with a liiiittle red bird!!!), after the rinsing swipes with cold water, I decided I should try sopping up as much of the cleaner and water by stepping on a dry towel on top of the stainage. After doing some jumping (probably similar to a Native American rain dance in a confined space), I decided I could probably be slightly more successful if I was heavier.
:)
This is when I paused in my jumping, and looked at one of my roommates- we exchanged knowing glances, and then started laughing as we assumed the position for a piggyback ride. Here we are, a couple of 26 & 27 year old women, leeched on to one another as I stomp the crap out of the stain in the carpet in my very juvenile (yet awesome) rainboots.
I was suddenly in the right mindset...after all this time.
Today I had a free day. It was fantastic!
Slept in
Sold a book at Half Price Books
Shopped at Party City for Valentine's cheer
Visited with Erin and Brian
Stopped at Target
Made dinner
Watched a movie
Finished my taxes
Emailed
Deleted 2 years worth of pictures off my digital camera
Got ready to pack for my annual vacation- (Naples, Florida this year)
Cleaned my room
Put together fun valentines for my roomies- including chocolate dipped strawberries I did myself *woot woot* & the seasonal tradition of buying them each colorful & wild underwear.
My life is fantastic!
God has surrounded me with many people to love and to cherish.
I am so thankful for this life I've been given.
And I pray that God grows me and uses me for His purposes, whatever they may be and wherever that takes me.
Today I stumbled upon one of my dad’s new cds (unopened of course- it seems he gets the excitement from doing the actual purchasing, but not the listening- which works out well for me). It is from this unlikely source, a well-known Christian musician, that brought much encouragement to my spirit today. His cd is filled with psalms of deep mourning and hurt yet through his pain he shares his hope in a faithful God. That’s exactly what I needed to be reminded of today.
Over the past few months, I reached a point where I was just about to give up on God.
What was the point?
Was it really worth it?
Why do I feel like a one girl revolution?
Screw it all.
My prayers (when I got around to it) kinda sounded like this:
“Dear God, I feel hopeless and confused. Help. Love, Melody”
or..
“Dear God, I know I’m suppose to believe in you no matter what circumstances I’m in, but I’m not sure about all this anymore. Please help, if you have time. Love, Melody”
*
Have you ever reached that point in your Christian life? When you’re just so exhausted in every way that you feel like giving up? But then you realize that to abandon the Walk you’ve put your whole heart and life into would take even MORE energy that you don’t have? And so you get stuck. And you break down and cry a lot. Because you know it’s soaked into the deepest marrow of your being. But you just can’t do it anymore. You’re not really moving forward, but you can’t move back. It’s mind bogglingly frustrating!
*
Church feels pointless. Because the whole time you’re sitting in the cushy chair/rock hard pew and you feel nothing. You hear nothing. You start to sit back and observe all the people going through their motions from an out-of-body perspective. The people, the place, the whole thing looks crazy strange if you do that.
People who call themselves Christians are just people with faith who live with one foot in the world. Day to day life for them is like being a human yoyo. Are they really happy? Do I really wanna be that too? Do I want to play both worlds? And if I’m honest, I don’t- but I feel stuck- so I just break down and cry. Because I know I need to move forward, but I’m not strong enough to pick myself up and do it.
It feels like a dreamlike state. I’m just floating along… turning off the alarm at 4:50AM and beginning another day. Might as well, can’t sleep anyway. All I wanna do is curl up and sleep because that’ll stop the spiral of thoughts…but I can’t even sleep every day. Deep sleep only happens every other day. And so I look forward to those days.
My phone would ring sometimes. Do I have motivation to answer the phone call right now? Sometimes I did; sometimes I didn’t. Do I wanna talk to someone? Yes- But No at the same time. It only made me sound like a directionless, confused person which I was keenly aware of already. Why drum all the thoughts and confusion up with another friend? I didn’t have any answers to my questions.
Life was too hard and I just couldn’t fight for it anymore. Even in the midst of it, I knew it was Satan trying to drag me down. I’d try to tell myself, “Well Melody, if things are so difficult right now and you really feel like Satan’s working overtime in the discouragement department- maybe you’re doing something right? Satan doesn’t waste his time on complacent Christians.” Even though I’d want to give up, God kept sending me internal reminders like these & Scripture verses.
*
A turning point. I finally commissioned a lot of people to start praying, and slowly things got better. And by “better” I mean the wind of hope got caught in my sails again. Still don’t have many answers. Took a little visit to Minneapolis to see my friends, and I was reminded that people who care about God DO exist. Katie’s words came back to me, “Mel, no fleeting worldly pleasure is worth losing the presence of God in your life.”
Another friend shared some thoughts from her morning sermon, “Be the kind of Christian that is living your life so brilliantly for Christ that you stand out and SHINE. That way, when Christ returns He doesn’t have to squint through the grime of the world to find you because you’re shining so brightly He recognizes you immediately. He can reach down and pick you up and out.” Even though it’s difficult and you may feel alone at some or many points during the Walk. (Thanks, Cyndy :-) I need to be a Christian like the 12 Disciples who were a part of the Society of the Unashamed.
Also- Psalm 25 & 26 & 27... a good read.
*
And then the numbness melted away, and I cried again. Because I knew deep in my soul that was the kind of woman I wanted to be. I had to be that woman. That’s why God put me here.
*
So I went back home to Wisconsin and was surprised by a note in the mail from a dear friend. The note was started in November and finally mailed to me in January. It was filled with God’s wise truths to me. His words. Key words like: WISDOM, TEMPTATION, PERSEVERANCE with a whole lotta Scripture.
And I’m so thankful it was mailed in January, after my numbness melted away.
*
And thank you Steven Curtis Chapman for writing these lyrics from your heart:
I am broken, I am bleeding/ I’m scared and I’m confused/ But You are faithful, yet, You are faithful/ I am weary in believing/ God please help my unbelief/ ‘Cause You are faithful, yes, You are faithful/ I will proclaim it to the world/ I will declare it to my heart/ I’ll sing it when the sun is shining/ I will scream it in the dark/ You are faithful, You are faithful/ When You give and when You take away/ Even then still Your name is faithful/ You are faithful/ And with everything inside of me/ I am choosing to believe/ You are faithful/ I am waiting for the rescue/ That I know is sure to come/ ‘Cause You are faithful, yes, You are faithful/ And I’ve dropped anchor in Your promises and I am holding on/ ‘Cause You are faithful, God, You are faithful/ I will proclaim it to the world/ I will declare it to my heart/ I will sing it when the sun is shining/ I will scream it in the dark/ When I cannot have the answer/ That I’m wanting to demand/ I’ll remember you are God/ And everything is in Your hands/ With your hands You put the sun and moon and stars up in the sky/ For the sake of love You hung Your own Son on the cross to die/ And You are faithful/ Yes, You are faithful/ When you give, when you take away even then/ Great is Your faithfulness/ Great is Your faithfulness/ And with everything inside of me/ I am choosing to believe/ You’re faithful
Sermon Notes from The Salvage Yard on July 28, 2009
These fell out of my much-neglected devotional book today and reminded me of some heavenly insights... Passage: Genesis 40 Character: Joseph's life after arriving in Egypt Subject: The Presence of God The story: The dream life of the cupbearer and the baker
Some thoughts: - The presence of God on Joseph led to everything he touched being blessed. - But- the presence of God in my life also means trials, temptation, and suffering. - God allowed Joseph to interpret both dreams of the cupbearer and the baker. They were similar. - The culture was spiritually aware, so dreams were used to communicate a message. - GOD speaks to us in a way that shows we need each other. - Joseph was doing everything right from the time he stepped in Egypt BUT everything was going wrong. - Is the presence of God in my life worth it? Worth the uphill struggle? Because even people with incredible willpower will give up. BUT if I cultivate the presence of God in my life, I can keep going. - Intimacy with God makes doing life worth it.
These thoughts were perfectly timed reminders that even when I am tempted to run off and sin, this would be forsaking the presence of God in my life. A friend named Katie reminded me a while ago that the fleeting pleasure of the world is not worth breaking my fellowship with God. My sinful actions would only bring pleasure for a moment, but sacrificing intimacy with God is never a risk worth taking.
I took a brisk walk today along the beautiful bluff trail at Lions Den Gorge Nature Preserve. A gorgeous slice of nature overlooking Lake Michigan just 1 mile down the road from my parent's casa. It was a dreary, gray day with a comfortable Fall air temperature, and it wasn't raining (or snowing for that matter). I walked and prayed and admired the smell of decaying leaves. I stopped to watch the small, subtle movements in the pond water to see if I could catch a glimpse of any frog eyes surfacing in the slightest to check out the human in his territory. I passed many pet owners on their usual animal walking route...some of them shuffling a long out of a sense of drudgery. I ended up sitting on a piece of smoothed-over driftwood on the edge of the Lake- just listening to the waves for a bit. It was therapeutically peaceful. It was at this point that I realized my tissue fell out of my pocket somewhere along the bluff path. I sighed and dabbed at my leaky nose with my hand. I entertained a random thought (I like to call this "sermon aftertaste") considering the meaning of worship and how it works with the word "worthship" before heading back up the bluff. I spent the remainder of the walk grabbing invisible spider webs off my face and thinking to myself, "I was just here like 15 minutes ago. How could the spiders have reloaded and jumped back n forth between these trees THIS MANY TIMES?!" I was nearing the end of my hike when I suddenly had a large sneeze...probably that crazy spider web stuff triggered the ol' sneeze. Just then, I looked down and to my delight & surprise I had happened upon my half-used tissue nestled in the wood chip bed. This was providence. And a good start to the day. I reached down and used it, then promptly found the trash. .......................................................................................The End
i write as the accordion & trumpet dronings of DeVotchKa play on in the background. I appreciate inspiring tunes.
The overly friendly cooks at my new job (the BC) keep asking me if I'm from Chicago. (Apparently, it is not unusual for employees to travel between Milwaukee and Chicago accounts. I find this ludicrous as the constant traffic in combination with my road rage would eventually get me committed.) Secretly, I find it quite flattering that I don't seem like a Milwaukee-ite to the outside world. I think I'm urban Minnesotan at my core. That's when I discovered the grand world outside of my mid-size suburban life. The comments got me thinking, though. Perhaps I will never find a way to fit in around here and be totally at peace. Does Chicago beckon my name?
How am I doing these days? I'm confused. I'm homesick. I feel lost. It doesn't seem like God is around.
This is just me writing openly, honestly. Some might criticize my apparent doubt. But relax people, it's just a feeling. I know we're not suppose to trust those. I can give you the correct theological counterpoint til I'm blue in the face, but just let me say what I feel. Okay?
Even though I don't sense God around, I know His fingerprints have been showing up in my life. He's provided two jobs for me. I've met some intriguing people...even a guy named Bryan who is a woman named Asia by night. God has been providing for my needs day by day. I'm fortunate to have two parents who are willing to put up with me- for as long as I need to stay. Not to mention, the amazing support Emili and Jon have been in my life. Their friendship and proximity after 6 years of distance are gifts to me. I do have some kickbutt brothers and sisters around here too ( Jennifer & Andy, Timothy, Danny & Desiree).
It reminds me of a Christian Living book I read one time Far From Home by Joseph Stowell. In it, the author writes something to this effect, Our heart will never be truly at rest until it is at home with the Lord. I know I'm only 25, but I think I'm ready to die now. Living life is too hard. There are too many decisions. Too much confusion. Relational strain and stress to deal with all the time. I'm over it. Then I'm reminded of the Apostle Paul and how much he desired to be at home with the Lord but he asked God to keep him on earth to be used as long as God needed him. He went through some pretty tough stuff, and God kept bringing him through. Guess he wasn't finished with old Paul, yet. Or what about that Rachel girl from Columbine. She asked God to use her life for His glory, and God allowed Rachel's death to be the influence and example to millions of people.
What we do in life echos throughout eternity. I like that quote from Gladiator. No matter whether you last a long time or get to exit planet earth well before your prime- the impact of one life focused on Christ is potentially life changing. Well, this blog certainly ended differently than I thought it would. Funny how a steady stream of thoughts when followed sequentially leads to a different conclusion.
Many people have asked how Josh and I's relationship is going since we live in the same state now. I could say so much! It continues to morph and change in so many different ways as God keeps working in both our lives.
I usually just simplify it and tell people, "It's very different!" That isn't a bad thing. I think a relationship done primarily long distance can only grow so much by phone. Even when we did get to see each other every 6-8 weeks- there was pressure to maximize the time together because of the 15-20 hour window in a weekend. Just as quickly as I came into town, I was leaving. Our relationship felt very much like a dream at times. I found myself questioning, "Is this REAL? Does this guy with a beautiful heart really exist?" I was happy/nervous to end the 9 months of long distance + move closer. But the strangest thing is that even though I'm about 300 miles closer to Josh- the remaining 27 miles between us is maddening. I still feel far away. It still feels like a long distance relationship...but it's not.
Isn't that so human? We're rarely satisfied with the things in the present.
And so, the nights I leave his house, I try to remind myself of how it used to be and how good we have it now. And the words of my mother (and every other close, wise woman friend) come floating through my head... "Enjoy the season you're in." (I sigh to myself on the drive.) And focus on thanking God for the now.
I begin this blog with the exhale of a deep breathe. Oxygen is good for the brain. In the words of Dorothy, "We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto." Oh how well Dorothy expressed my emotion to a little dog with long bangs. Sometimes life just takes us places we never could have imagined. We don't remember exactly how we got there, but we fall asleep and wake up in a land filled with magical colors, little people, and a witch with striped socks. *Kerplop* Here I am. Allow me to personalize how my life is like the Wizard of Oz: 1. My plain black-and-white life begins to feel boring, and I wonder if just maybe I'm missing out on something. 2. The mean lady tries to make my life difficult and intolerable. ("The mean lady" defined as people, things, situations, change.) 3. I secretly wish to fall asleep and wake up in a brand new life away from the present struggles. 4. I do. Suddenly, change happens swiftly and entirely in a grandiose way. I am delighted, yet slightly confused by the sensory overload. 5. Even after meeting Glenda, the good witch, and being bedazzled by her glittery gown... I still feel completely out of my element. 6. Some nice friends join me on the stroll down the yellow brick road. We all have our weaknesses, but we seem to make it together. Even though I try to wander off on my own, and I fail- the friends catch up to me and save my patooty. 7. Bad stuff tries to prevent my progress and swoops down out of the sky. I get "caught up" for a while...even getting trapped in a castle, but my friends eventually rescue me. And the wicked witch melts with one little bucket of water. (Arguably, way too easy of a death for something so threatening.) 8. Right now, I'm just trying to get past the poppy field. Those crazy, gaseous poppies are trying to put me to sleep. I'm getting more sleepy with every step, and the colors are intoxicating. Seems easier to lie down & take a snooze...and press on another day. 9. I imagine just as I have overcome the obstacles before with the help of (God and) my friends, I will eventually reach the Emerald City and sweet talk my way past the gate keeper. 10. There I will see the horses that remind me of my grandma's old skool Christmas tree, and I will get a makeover. I'm hoping this little parallel has to do with a total makeover to my attitude and character and life in general. Because, those things have pretty much bit the big one. 11. Balloon man will leave without me. 12. But I'll be okay because of the crazy ruby slippers. I have had the thing I needed to get back "home" the whole time. But I've been so caught up in everything happening to me, having false hope in the Great and Powerful Oz that I've neglected to see the reality and the helping hand that God has been offering to me the whole time.
Self sufficiency, man. Why can't I just get over myself and let God do His thang? I'll tell you why- because I'm human. I fail. I surrender, and I take back. I doubt, and I cry my eyes out. But God keeps tilting my head back and making me look Him in the face. But I'll tell ya, even though I'm stuck in the intoxicating poppy field right now, I'm excited to know- when all this is done- I'm gonna click my heels and be able to say, "There's no place like home. There's no place like home." ...the arms of the Father IS my home. No matter what my mailing address is.
I'm about ready to throw a computer out the window. I want to upload pictures to share on here and on facebook, but nothing seems to be working for me today. Curses.
Well, it's official. I have been relocated to Grafton, WI, for about one week now. Alot of people have been asking me how it's going. Hmm. I always stop to consider the question in that moment because quite honestly it changes minute-by-minute sometimes. I miss- 1. my friends in Minnesota. 2. my radio station- The Current. 3. working two jobs. (At this point, I'll take just ONE job- that'd be nice.) 4. Super Target...one stop shopping 5. having my own tv whenever i want to use it. 6. my rent-a-dog Scooter. (That crazy, senile pooch got to my heart.) 7. eating big lunches & small dinners. 8. FREEWAYS! I'm relearning to drive by paying attention to the speed limit signs because there are seriously small town cops lurking around every corner. 9. high speed internet without time restrictions. (thank you northwestern) 10. unique people wearing unique clothes with unique tattoos and piercings.
But being here... has it's perks. I enjoy- 1. seeing Josh every other day or so. Knowing he's only a 30 minute car ride away brings joy 7 relief to my heart. 2. spending time with my family members even though it seeems that the pace of their lives has definitely picked up since I lived here last. (Not hard to do- since it's been quite a few years.) 3. the option in my day to take my 7 yr old nephew and 2 yr old niece to the park for a picnic lunch if I want to. 4. helping my mom with household tasks (ex. hanging laundry on the line, cleaning the kitchen) 5. my sister bringing me free lattes which she made at home. 6. being near Lake Michigan again. 7. having Emili and Michelle up the road or down the freeway. : ) 8. running into old friends at the coffee shop and catching up on life. 9. church shopping. Can you believe it? I have one week under my belt, and I have found it to be quite enlightening as each body of believers is sure to have its defining qualities. 10. discovering all the ministries reaching out to milwaukee. Glad to know outreach is happening to the 8th poorest city in the nation.
Still a mix of emotions regarding this decision, but I'm reminded of God's words to me which brought me here. My friends (wherever they are) have been an encouragement to me as well. And so, I breathe in & out another double sigh and gear up for the next thing....whatever that is.
Here I am again. Sorry for the absence. It was not intentional, by any means. Blogging just isn't high on the priority list. There's been alot going on... ************************************************************* 7 years 5 homes 1 bachelor degree 1 speeding ticket 4 parking tickets 3 boyfriends Countless harsh winter days 3 cars (that's right, count 'em) A dozen or so weddings ... and it's time to leave Minnesota. :-(
Sniffle, tear* The time has come for me to again uproot and relocate. This time back to the motherland that flows with milk & cheese. While I'm ready for the change, the number of goodbyes seem to be endless. Much love and many tears have been exchanged- only to ease the loss for a moment with a hug. I bustle from dinner date, to pool party, to lunch, to coffee, to Farewell Party...all the while my little bottom dwelling home gets packed up in the wee hours of the night little-by-little. Spaces and shelves clearing off, things being trashed that haven't been touched or used in 2+ years.
I stumbled upon an old childhood friend some time ago. Maybe some of you with Covered Bridge roots remember her- Angela Joyce. We use to be good friends back in the days of navy blue jumpers and patriotic programs. She friended me on facebook which is when I discovered she's in Arizona trying to make it big with a singing career. There was no doubt in my mind that one day that concert pianist would succeed musically. She had hardcore talent at 9 years old- probably had something to do with her rigorous piano training from the Russian lady. She just recorded her first album in L.A. I'm pretty sure she writes all her music and plays it too. You can hear some of her music at: www.myspace.com/thesoundofangelajoyce
Real potential, yo.
My other friend AngelaThomas taught me one of life's greatest music lessons. Listen to the whole song before critiquing it. Then ask yourself, can you imagine this being played on The Current? Does this artist bring a different sound than anything that's out there? Even if the lyrics are crap, do they have a unique image? Changed my life. Thanks A*
My blogging activity has slowed down considerably these days. I would definintely blog more if I joined the millions of Americans and invested in my own personal MAC or PC. But alas, that requires a certain amount of cash flow which is unavailable at this time. Another funny thing is I'm probably the last girl who goes running with her cd-walkman. But you know what? I've heard countless stories about ipods that crash or break after just two years. I've had my trusty cd-walkman for 7 years, I think. As technology advances and adds all those superb features, there's more stuff that can go wrong in the microchip brain.
Clocks. Maybe I'm a dork, but I think programming clocks to read correctly is kind of fun. I enjoy this activity at the start and end of daylight savings time. (maybe for the 30 seconds of entertainment it provides or maybe it's the humorous childhood memory it evokes of dad traipsing around the house at midnight in his pajamas to fix the clocks before he goes to bed...he took much pride in this bi-annual task) But what confuses me is people who seem to love clocks but don't take care of fixing the time. For example, the other day I was cleaning the house (as part of my rental duties) and I was kind of in a time crunch. I just wanted to glance at a clock to see how I was doing time-wise. I kid you not, I looked at 6 clocks in the room before I found one that actually displayed the correct time. I guess my thoughts are- if you aren't going to program your clocks just pack them away or sell them- whatever- 'cause otherwise it's just something extra for me to dust.
Visitation. I'm gettin' pretty pumped 'cause Michelle and Caitlin, two of my closest friends from junior high & up are coming to visit me in 2 weeks! It's not quite girls weekend b/c my bestest friend Emili can't make the trip due to responsibilities back in Belgium. (Not the country, folks- the town in Wisconsin that's a corn island...almost every way into town is surrounded by corn fields) But at least 3 of the 4 ACE High girls will be together enjoying each others company. What to do... I want to take them to Movie in the Park, maybe go to The Dakota Jazz club or The Fineline Music Cafe, and Caitlin needs to shop at Heartbreaker in Uptown (they have scarves galore & she love, love, LOVES scarves).
This just in--> Josh might be coming up to visit in the next couple of weeks too! Otherwise we'd have 53 days in between seeing each other and that's entirely too long. There's a large tribe of people who want to meet him still, so I'll have to make some arrangements while he stays in the Twin Cities. It will be spectacular to spend time with him here on my "stomping grounds".
I've been thinking about FAITH lately. Turns out- it's complex, yet simple. As I journaled about this the other night, I realized there are several other basics that get paired with a healthy faith.
For example, surrender.
You can't have a strong faith without surrender.
And it's not just a one time deal- you get to keep practicing surrender with your faith 'cause as crazy, fallen humans we keep taking the control away from God. We keep falling into this grand illusion that somehow our way is better, easier, more manageable because it takes the mystery of how God will choose to work out of the Faith equation.
Then there is the arch nemesis of faith- doubt. Except for doubt could also be the greatest allie to faith. You see, doubt can either spiral you deep down and make you lose your faith completely.
OR
It can be the element that makes you think critically about faith- test it and find that it makes faith emerge stronger, brighter, bolder than ever before. Thus becoming the element you needed to get your rear in gear and put some muscle to that anorexic faith.
See? Tricky.
Anyway- it made me see in a fresh way how much we need the truth of Scripture in our hearts. It's in those moments of doubt and lack of surrender that we are reminded by the Holy Spirit's prompting what IS truth. He is so good to remind us of those things when we begin to sink into ourselves. We/I am so unworthy; but it doesn't matter. He goes to search us out again & again and bring us back into his safe pasture.
This is the great Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that we serve. Someone who searches us out when we carelessly wander away from safe pasture. He is worthy of all power and glory forever and ever. Amen.
I was overcome last night by cravings. Food cravings of the grandest sort. It was 10:37pm and I wanted a grapefruit. And Muenster cheese.
Before you knew it, I was walking through Byerly's (lovingly referred to as the CARPETED grocery store), in my pajamas. I located the grapefruit- chose the roundest one and headed for the Dairy section. There I located the deliciousness known as Muenster. No other cheese would do. That's what I wanted. A smile of satisfaction crept across my face, and I pranced out of the grocery store one very happy woman. Thus is the freedom of a single lady with a car.
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I love songs that use a cowbell. There's something very distinct and quirky about this instrument. I immediately begin to picture Will Ferrell make a fool out of himself- pounding on the cowbell in one memorable SNL skit. Immediate smile.
Paco & his bag of chips- I was walking by a fast food place the other day when I noticed this man standing around & behind the building- probably on break. I watched him as he glanced to and fro- upon determining (inaccurately, i might add) that he was not being watched- he took the last crumbly bits hand full of chips and shoved them in his mouth like he was in some kind of Crumbly Chip Eating Contest. It was kinda funny. I smiled to myself and kept walking.
Smooth talker- There's this coworker from another office who calls me sometimes and keeps asking me to talk like radio syndicated host Delilah. She says I have a very nice phone voice. It's calming. Perhaps I should start my own radio show and give people crap advice and play cheesy, older-than-dirt songs to fit the listener mood.
Kodak moments- Organization is sweet. In preparation for relocating my home, I decided to buy some photo albums and put all the pictures that were still in their nice little red photo packets into a book. It took me a long time because there's always the random pictures you stumble upon through the picture piles that should have been in the book on page 5-12, but now you're on page 60. My Type A tendencies finally began to diminish about hour 3 into the project. I finally just created a Randoms photo album. It's very representative of my life, so I'm not too bothered by it. Overall, I'd say it was fun and relaxing and a jont down memory lane. Things I had forgotten that I'd done or experienced. But it was mostly weird because I could remember the exact emotion and moment of the picture taking day. Memory is quite sci-fi.
Husband and Wife Forevah- So, my little brother is going to pledge his love & devotion forever to Desiree this weekend. (Side note: When she tells you to remember the spelling of her name as "It's spelled like desire, but then add an 'e'." ...don't laugh. She really is quite serious about this little memory trick.) Jennifer and I will help with the decorations and have a grand ol' time, I'm sure. More details and pictures on this post-wedding.
Sales calls- Don't ever respond with interest to those auto glass people over the phone. They start to stalk you and not leave you voicemails. Instead, they choose to call every hour until you answer (even if you tell them to leave a message). Seething annoyance begins to rise. What began as a mere curiousity in auto glass coverage turns into being forced to replace a windshield (that really wasn't bothering you very much at all). Lame.
I have not been in the highest of spirits lately. So many thoughts buzzing in my brain. So many things to do. Worry begins to creep in, and I realize I'm doubting God's timeframe.
I just want to get out. I wanna be done and move on with my life. I wanna kiss it all goodbye and not have to deal with stupid "politics". Run--> my natural response to unpleasantness.
This is transition time for me- in so many different areas. A general sense of uneasiness, impatience, and bad attitude pervade my days. I don't like it very much. In fact, I try to pray it all away- but it doesn't work all the time. I feel like such a downer. Then I just want to isolate myself and protect everyone around me from "catching" my mopiness. (Is that even a word? It is today, i guess) Panic tries to creep in as unending, undetermined future spans beyond the horizon.
