morphing power

Many people have asked how Josh and I's relationship is going since we live in the same state now. I could say so much! It continues to morph and change in so many different ways as God keeps working in both our lives.

I usually just simplify it and tell people, "It's very different!" That isn't a bad thing. I think a relationship done primarily long distance can only grow so much by phone. Even when we did get to see each other every 6-8 weeks- there was pressure to maximize the time together because of the 15-20 hour window in a weekend. Just as quickly as I came into town, I was leaving. Our relationship felt very much like a dream at times. I found myself questioning, "Is this REAL? Does this guy with a beautiful heart really exist?" I was happy/nervous to end the 9 months of long distance + move closer. But the strangest thing is that even though I'm about 300 miles closer to Josh- the remaining 27 miles between us is maddening. I still feel far away. It still feels like a long distance relationship...but it's not.

Isn't that so human?
We're rarely satisfied with the things in the present.

And so, the nights I leave his house, I try to remind myself of how it used to be and how good we have it now. And the words of my mother (and every other close, wise woman friend) come floating through my head...
"Enjoy the season you're in."
(I sigh to myself on the drive.)
And focus on thanking God for the now.

Oz and Lucky 12

I begin this blog with the exhale of a deep breathe. Oxygen is good for the brain. In the words of Dorothy, "We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto." Oh how well Dorothy expressed my emotion to a little dog with long bangs. Sometimes life just takes us places we never could have imagined. We don't remember exactly how we got there, but we fall asleep and wake up in a land filled with magical colors, little people, and a witch with striped socks. *Kerplop* Here I am.
Allow me to personalize how my life is like the Wizard of Oz:
1. My plain black-and-white life begins to feel boring, and I wonder if just maybe I'm missing out on something.
2. The mean lady tries to make my life difficult and intolerable. ("The mean lady" defined as people, things, situations, change.)
3. I secretly wish to fall asleep and wake up in a brand new life away from the present struggles.
4. I do. Suddenly, change happens swiftly and entirely in a grandiose way. I am delighted, yet slightly confused by the sensory overload.
5. Even after meeting Glenda, the good witch, and being bedazzled by her glittery gown... I still feel completely out of my element.
6. Some nice friends join me on the stroll down the yellow brick road. We all have our weaknesses, but we seem to make it together. Even though I try to wander off on my own, and I fail- the friends catch up to me and save my patooty.
7. Bad stuff tries to prevent my progress and swoops down out of the sky. I get "caught up" for a while...even getting trapped in a castle, but my friends eventually rescue me. And the wicked witch melts with one little bucket of water. (Arguably, way too easy of a death for something so threatening.)
8. Right now, I'm just trying to get past the poppy field. Those crazy, gaseous poppies are trying to put me to sleep. I'm getting more sleepy with every step, and the colors are intoxicating. Seems easier to lie down & take a snooze...and press on another day.
9. I imagine just as I have overcome the obstacles before with the help of (God and) my friends, I will eventually reach the Emerald City and sweet talk my way past the gate keeper.
10. There I will see the horses that remind me of my grandma's old skool Christmas tree, and I will get a makeover. I'm hoping this little parallel has to do with a total makeover to my attitude and character and life in general. Because, those things have pretty much bit the big one.
11. Balloon man will leave without me.
12. But I'll be okay because of the crazy ruby slippers. I have had the thing I needed to get back "home" the whole time. But I've been so caught up in everything happening to me, having false hope in the Great and Powerful Oz that I've neglected to see the reality and the helping hand that God has been offering to me the whole time.

Self sufficiency, man. Why can't I just get over myself and let God do His thang? I'll tell you why- because I'm human. I fail. I surrender, and I take back. I doubt, and I cry my eyes out. But God keeps tilting my head back and making me look Him in the face. But I'll tell ya, even though I'm stuck in the intoxicating poppy field right now, I'm excited to know- when all this is done- I'm gonna click my heels and be able to say, "There's no place like home. There's no place like home." ...the arms of the Father IS my home. No matter what my mailing address is.