find a story

The grayness is getting to me.

Correction: HAS gotten to me and continues to taint my fragile emotional state.

Everytime I step out into the frigid morning air, I sigh dramatically and say to myself,

"That's it. I'm done."

This thought is great, but fleeting because shortly after logic kicks in and reminds me that there are weeks more of cold laid out for me to endure.

I am a Midwest girl at heart.

I know this- but not a huge winter fanatic...unless of course it's snowing. I would like it if it snowed every other day, all winter.

To bring some cheer to my downtrodden heart, I decided to look around me as I drove my wonderfully dependent car (knock on wood) and find a story.

It was then I realized cars are like people.

They are extremely resilient.

They have to get up and go in extreme heat and extreme cold.

Sometimes they break down and can't get motivated- this is when mental illness is diagnosed.

They come in all colors and shapes.

No matter how much you get clean, you always have to wash again.

And after so many miles, you have to replace parts. :-)

That's when I realized I was taking the analogy too far, and I needed to stop because I kept thinking of different similarities and just started laughing. (Like, sometimes you leak funny colors and you have to get right down in the puddle and figure out what needs to get fixed.) Okay, okay...I'm done. But SEE?! Once you start with the analogy, you just can't stop.

*

Laugh a little. It brightens the gray. If only for a moment.

contradiction description

I bite my lip knowing this may come across to some of you as the embodiment of everything confusing that women are made up of... but I write on in spite of the possible criticism.

You know how women criticize men because glimpses of chivalry are just unheard of these days? Even I have been in this particular camp many times.

....Like when I'm walking into the post office and the man two steps in front of me just lets the door slam in my face- as if I were an invisible person. However, I like to give people a little room for grace.

(I learned this from my wonderful former roommate Erin who always seemed to serve up the positive side of any "injustice" I was dealt from one of the "beautiful people". Which did seem put to the extreme sometimes...)

For example, now, instead of thinking "What a jerk head!" immediately; I quietly remind myself that perhaps he didn't realize I was so close behind, and he will hold the second door for me. Then, after experiencing a SECOND slam in the face, I can then proceed to the initial "What a jerk head!" reaction that was held back.

*

I want chivalry. I want the door held for me. I want to go first in the food line. I don't mind the occasional opening of my car door on a date. I like it when someone toasts me a bagel for breakfast and starts my car to warm it up. These are acceptable chivalrous acts.

*

Yet, I don't want chivalry. That is, I don't want chivalry when there are hidden motives and intentions behind the act. <--More on that a few lines down) The one that bristles the hairs on my head is when someone offers to carry stuff for me. Maybe it's because I'm use to carrying heavyloads like a horse. I like the challenge of getting everything to and from the car in one trip no matter how ridiculous I look.

...But back to the hidden motives thing.

Offer to help me with my bags so you can ask for my number. Not so much. AND YET, THAT is a contradiction as well!!! Because I DO want men to be more intentional about pursuing a woman. Enough of the pansy, scared-to-get-your-ego-shotdown inaction. I guess maybe, I want the RIGHT man to do the PERFECT thing at the PERFECT time.

Is that too much to ask?!

*sigh*

*

Alright, I know it is an impossible demand & so maybe I just need to unclench my jaw and let the dude carry my stuff and have the awkward moment of refusing to give my digits away and maybe a "I give you points for trying. No one does that anymore" exchange of appreciation.

to know His heart

Prayer is the key that unlocks faith in our life. Effective prayer needs both the attitude of complete dependence and the action of asking. Prayer demonstrates our reliance on God as we humbly invite Him to fill us with faith and power. There is no substitute for prayer, especially in circumstances that seem impossible.

-Taken from the Life Application Study Bible notes

in my mind's eye

I have artsy tendencies. To be inspired by the world around me is a beautiful thing.

My canvas is music. Deep lyrics that make me get inside the artists head or instrumental melodies that wind throughout like a shadow of a ghost. Something I can't quite put my finger on, but something deep inside is moved in a way that evokes an emotional expression.

My canvas is the written word. Strung together to create.

My canvas is a photo. It makes me stop the rapid page turning to stop and stare. Something has been captured that may or may not be evident. It may not be an object or a person, it is an emotion. I want to soak it in before the mystery disappears.

My canvas is dance. As passion and worship overflow from a heart of gratitude to the Lord for all that He has done in spite of my careless and rebellious mistakes. Humility through dance is my prayer and desired companion.

My canvas is a person. Friendship and growing relationships that involve a mutual exchange of joys and sorrows. A word or movement that makes me pause to reflect. The discovery of a unique individual that points me to the Great Artist as He molded each of us together in a carefully crafted way.

youth = hard work

i have been reflecting, studying & praying about different youth ministry revelations I have had these days. Talked with a GREAT lady and she shared some stuff that I found helpful when it comes to lighting the fire under my booty to get up and DO SOMETHING about today's youth...
First a nice quote she emailed me:

There is a time for everything.
A time to kneel and a time to stand,
a time to pray and a time to talk.
But there is never a time to look the other way.
There is never a time to ignore the truth.

Jesus-Centered Youth Ministry by Rick Lawrence

...The problem I'm seeing is that the focus on Jesus is missing. Youth ministry is doing a lot of cool things, but they aren’t producing kids who understand who Jesus is. The Exemplary Youth Ministry study found that the churches that had the most effective youth ministries had an obsessive focus on Jesus Christ. So believe it or not, even though Jesus is supposed to be the point of our churches, the reality is that our young people just aren’t getting that.This is going to sound strange, but a lot of youth ministries don’t know what their kids believe. You can simply ask them in conversation, or more formally you can give them a survey asking them to detail what they know. You start with that, and then deconstruct the false Jesus they’ve come to know—even making fun of that image. Then once you’ve lampooned that image, you can start building up the right view. As you discuss a story about Jesus, stop and ask everyone, “What is Jesus doing in this story and what is he not doing?” That alone slows people down and starts to reintroduce them to who Jesus is and transform their image of what He is all about.

Basically, God has been breaking my heart for this generation of kids. And reminding me that they need to know the truth before they exit the youth group if they're gonna be able to stand up to the world. Post youth group, they are being questioned about their faith and losing it because they can't explain why they believe what they do. They don't know how to read their Bibles because it has always been spoon-fed to them, and THIS, my friends, is a problem.

Never, ever underestimate the power of prayer in these kids lives.

lamenting and praying

This isn't nearly as good when you can't see my the pictures I make out of words, but I'm gonna post this anyhow. At the turn of the new year, I was reflective and feeling overwhelmed by the work of the Lord that needs to get done in this coming year & so I journaled about it.

My heart is aching.
So many people seem to be

lost,

blinded;

Truth has become relative.

There is no RiGhT;

There is no wrong.

Lord, why must your children be led away?
Will no one stand up with Your voice?
Too much for one.
Lord, your heart must be aching;
and the tears streaming down your face.

What have we done to your beautiful design?

We have flung mud on your masterpiece and spit in your face.
We shake our fist and yell our own agendas and plans.
We have become the rebellious and declared our Creator to be the

inferior.

Just as the tears burn my cheeks, Your heart is breaking.
And your tears number the stars. Enough to overfill the world's oceans.

This beauty has been scarred.
Yet you stand and wait with anticipation at our humble return.
Because you have already been torn and scarred to win us back.
Again & again we crucify you with our selfish rebellion.
And still you wait for your children.
Even as time slips away and eternity approaches.

Help us Jesus!
We are so tangled in our sin;
we don't even know it's there.

cheap grace.

wasted time.

Only what's done for Christ will last.

Hear our bleeding hearts.
Rescue us from ourselves.