new kid on the block

i write as the accordion & trumpet dronings of DeVotchKa play on in the background. I appreciate inspiring tunes.

The overly friendly cooks at my new job (the BC) keep asking me if I'm from Chicago.
(Apparently, it is not unusual for employees to travel between Milwaukee and Chicago accounts. I find this ludicrous as the constant traffic in combination with my road rage would eventually get me committed.) Secretly, I find it quite flattering that I don't seem like a Milwaukee-ite to the outside world. I think I'm urban Minnesotan at my core. That's when I discovered the grand world outside of my mid-size suburban life. The comments got me thinking, though. Perhaps I will never find a way to fit in around here and be totally at peace. Does Chicago beckon my name?

How am I doing these days?
I'm confused.
I'm homesick.
I feel lost.
It doesn't seem like God is around.

This is just me writing openly, honestly. Some might criticize my apparent doubt. But relax people, it's just a feeling. I know we're not suppose to trust those. I can give you the correct theological counterpoint til I'm blue in the face, but just let me say what I feel. Okay?

Even though I don't sense God around, I know His fingerprints have been showing up in my life. He's provided two jobs for me. I've met some intriguing people...even a guy named Bryan who is a woman named Asia by night. God has been providing for my needs day by day. I'm fortunate to have two parents who are willing to put up with me- for as long as I need to stay. Not to mention, the amazing support Emili and Jon have been in my life. Their friendship and proximity after 6 years of distance are gifts to me. I do have some kickbutt brothers and sisters around here too ( Jennifer & Andy, Timothy, Danny & Desiree).

It reminds me of a Christian Living book I read one time Far From Home by Joseph Stowell. In it, the author writes something to this effect, Our heart will never be truly at rest until it is at home with the Lord. I know I'm only 25, but I think I'm ready to die now. Living life is too hard. There are too many decisions. Too much confusion. Relational strain and stress to deal with all the time. I'm over it.
Then I'm reminded of the Apostle Paul and how much he desired to be at home with the Lord but he asked God to keep him on earth to be used as long as God needed him. He went through some pretty tough stuff, and God kept bringing him through. Guess he wasn't finished with old Paul, yet.
Or what about that Rachel girl from Columbine. She asked God to use her life for His glory, and God allowed Rachel's death to be the influence and example to millions of people.

What we do in life echos throughout eternity. I like that quote from Gladiator. No matter whether you last a long time or get to exit planet earth well before your prime- the impact of one life focused on Christ is potentially life changing.

Well, this blog certainly ended differently than I thought it would. Funny how a steady stream of thoughts when followed sequentially leads to a different conclusion.