Friday, January 18, 2008

the gray squirrel

I saw a squirrel this morning braving the elements, and I thought to myself:
'Poor, foolish squirrel! I bet he wishes he was neatly tucked away in his treehouse, barricaded by acorns. Doesn't he realize it's going to be -35 in windchill by tomorrow?! There he goes bounding across the frozen expanse. I wonder what was SO important that he felt he had to wake up?'

At what temperature would a squirrel die from the cold?


Found this little gem on the good, ole internet when I was searching for the answer to my question... http://www.deadsquirrel.com/essays/essay009.html

(Editor’s Note: Mr. Park, aka The Squirrel Scientist, has been unavailable for the past few days due to the fact he was under psychiatric observation at the Buffalo Psychiatric Center. He was found wandering the backyards of his Buffalo neighborhood soaking in olive oil, with a battery powered blacklite taped to a Werhmacht helmet. It was this strange glow that caused the neighbors to turn him in. In a pocket was a bottle of what was later determined to be pancreatic extract. It was found to be derived from cows, so no charges were pressed. However, the excessive insulin had rendered him irrational from hypoglycemia. He also had a Radio Shack metal detector that he was using near squirrel nests, claiming he wanted to find their alien teleportation equipment. We found only a desiccated squirrel body, dead of natural causes, that weighed perhaps two pounds when alive. He was also had upon his person a forty megabyte hard drive, a broken nicotine-stained keyboard, miscellaneous computer chips, and a frightfully cat whizzed-upon copy of Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle.)
I suppose you've heard of my run in with the authorities, cleverly duped by the squirrels as they are. It was to be expected they would take action against me as I stumble precariously close to the truth. That is why I need all the help I can get; IT'S THE SQUIRRELS, STUPID!

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