have you ever wondered what i do?

Have you ever had one of those mornings when it was impossible to keep your eyes open? That was me today. Soooo tired. It has been very busy at work consistently every day, all week. This is good because it shows that people are hearing about us and coming in for our services, but it also can be exhausting.

There have been such exciting days around here! Many young couples have been in for prego tests and God has been working in the hearts of both the girls and guys! Also- there have been a few parenting clients who have recommited their lives to the Lord and it's so encouraging to be connected with a ministry that helps walk them through the good days and the hard days. In the midst of all the client contact, the volunteers we have been praying for are coming forward and getting trained. This is a blessing to me in particular since I end up doing a majority of the parenting sessions every week. Volunteers will help with the load. The material donations have been pouring in, and we have been able to turn around and bless many people with those things! Other duties include checking things off the timeline in preparation for The Walk For Life coming up in May.

While all of this is great, it has been particularly draining on me to leave work and have people continue to draw from my wellspring. It started turning into a not-so-well wellspring. Wednesday after work, I felt like I was going to snap. And so, my boss suggested I take the night off of youth group. I decided this would be the best thing for my sanity, since the thought of one teenager whining to me about a test made me want to scream and run out of the room pulling my hair out like a crazy person. Probably not in the healthiest mindset to try and lead a group of 11th and 12th grade girls through a Bible study.

My Wednesday night actually ended up being super restful! On the way home, I stopped to pick up a movie, coffee from Caribou, and a quick session at the tanning place. Once I was home, I grabbed my rollerblades and headed to the park with my ghetto cd walkman. Within the first 30 seconds of the worship song, my walkman died and, though I was disappointed, decided it was better to pray about life anyway. When I got back to the house, I took most of the evening to center myself- reading and journaling and reading some more. By 8:30pm my spirit was feeling replenished, so I popped in Dan In Real Life and chillaxed on the couch. Cell phone off. Very nice.

While I'm charging through this day with the Lord's strength, I will be very happy to take my sleep-in day tomorrow.

futurerama

To Whom It May Concern:

We are living in the future. I don't know if anyone bothered to tell you... but we are. I always thought the future would look a little different...like in Back to the Future 1-3. Hover crafts, freeways in the sky, funky sunglasses and shiny clothes.

The future actually is hybrid cars, personal jets to get from your home in Texas to your job in Washington state, meals in 3 minutes or less, coffee for sale everywhere you turn, and the revolution of digital. (All tv's need to be ready to go digital by February 2009...what a silly thing to mandate of the population. And yet, I fear, peer pressure will win out in the end.)

But what does religion and Christianity look like in the future? I hope it's becoming more revolutionary. More willingness to sacrifice everything for the sake of Christ and less of the complacent attitude. I think there's more of an emerging distinction between the genuine Christians and the cultural Christians (the ones who pick up Christianity like it's another cool designer brand to wear on occasion.) Put some heart behind it! Show me your weakness, be honest with where you're at, and don't try to carry on the facade that your life is a bowl of peaches. Because you know what?! Christianity is HARD. It's blood, sweat, and tears and being completely broken. It's joy and love unexplainably overflowing when you know there's nothing left to give from yourself. It's the Holy Spirit steering your course. It's not fluff.

So ask yourself, what does my future Christianity actually look like? And remember, Actions speak louder than words.

tia es loco

My niece Liala is officially out of her boring stage... she smiles all the time now! What a little peach! It's so adorable to see how she depends on her big brother to know how to act in any situation. Also- it works to my advantage because my nephew and I are soo close & we have so much fun together...it's a guaranteed future love affair between Liala and I.

Jotham is the most amazing little boy! His creativity and personality are contagious. So easy-going and goofy...I wonder what he will grow up to be?! I have taken personal responsibility to always be the fun auntie. Maybe I will go skydiving with him someday, or take him to the South American rainforest for his spring break to ride the zip line.

living vs. thriving

To be truly ALIVE in Christ is exactly what He had in mind for us when he made us out of dust...and a rib bone. We are image bearers. We are created to be so much more than merely existing! We are created with the capacity to overflow with love, goodness, joy, & worship. We are meant to be an explosion of all that is good and right and pure and lovely!

How many times have I turned my back to this because I'm too tired or busy or confused- with full knowledge that walking with my Lord invites comfort and peace and trust that I cannot achieve on my own. Stupid self-sufficiency...always anxious to rear its ugly head and take over.

Be encouraged today that God is faithful to remind us of seasons of joy throughout our lives! It will consistently bless us yet humble us... forcing us to acknowledge our humanity.

"faker! faker! pants on fire!"

I've been pondering this idea of what it means to be an active, growing Christian. The thoughts have been stirred because it's our topic in youth group for the next few weeks. It's very difficult for me to communicate what it means to be a passionate Christian without sounding methodical. For example, there is no formula that generates an instant good Christian. 7 days of Bible reading + 2 church activities + 14 prayers + 1 small group + 2 retreats a year = 1 really passionate Christian. Wrong answer. While i do agree that many of these things are important, I don't think it necessarily reflects a change on the inside because many of the so-called "fruits" of being a Christian can easily be faked and often times forced upon a person. We would hope and pray that something would click and a genuine love for God would develop after all the rituals, but more and more I am seeing a generation of youth who have grown up in Christian homes- sheltered in their little Christian worlds- and all they have become is expert fakers! How that must break the Lord's heart! After He gave everything for us, we slap Him in the face by turning our Christian self on & off with a careless flip of the switch.

It's like that parable about the sower. "A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop..." Matthew 13:3-8

Lord, may your regeneration process be invited and spur change in our hearts so that we may truly be seen as passionate Christian people. Root out the sin of hypocrisy. Amen

familiar footprints

Saturday night was my past before the train wreck. Except for new and improved. It was me and 3 of the remaining local 'Bou girls caught up in conversation and coffee. Four beautiful women that God has created in His image with unique talents and passions. Our lives have gone in very different directions, but our conversation never seems to be void of relevance. Each of our hearts have grown deeper in our faith as we each continue to overcome challenges.
It was so surreal. It made me miss college and wish things had been different. To be lost and dim for a whole year & then some... tragic. i hate wasted time, but i value the life lessons. In the words of the late, great Pastor Ken: "a dichotomy".

Sunday night was Praise and Prayer at church to prepare for Passion week. It was very moving to be in that atmosphere with so many others who are declaring their love and gratefulness and unworthiness for what Christ did for all on the cross and after the grave.

After that I was able to spend time with Liz. We ended up at the ambiguous "guys house" to play the newest and best interactive video game.... R O C K B A N D. let me just say that it was one of the most riveting and exciting video games to date. It definitely one-up'd Guitar Hero 1-3 (sorry Luke). You get to pick your band spot and feel multi-talented (bass, drums, guitar, or vocal). A great way to mix up the house parties. Or get self-induced whiplash....again.

the ides of march

Great Big Sigh.

It has been a while since I wrote anything of real substance. I guess there isn't much that lends itself writing worthy. There has just been alot of adult things to deal with lately. I'm starting to handle it better. I have also officially started to settle into the reality of working days. My body has started to adjust to the new sleep schedule, though I try to deviate from the normal patterns of sleep (just because I can) on the weekends.

Last weekend I had a HOT TUB PARTY at my house for my 11th and 12th grade SMASH group. It was very fun to host! We took a dip and then I prepared peanut butter cookies and hot chocolate for the girls before they headed off in different directions. I am getting more "into" hosting...it gives me an excuse to bake and to deep clean my little 2 room lower flat.

I also had my first visit to the chiropractor this week. My boss at work recommended the place and it has been a very good experience! Dr. Josh is very kind and considerate of my health needs and income. For the first time in 9 months, I can sit in a chair for long amounts of time without aching. After he showed me the damage in my neck, I laughed and said, "I guess all those concerts didn't help my neck." Self-induced whiplash. Oops... but totally worth it. I had to get my wild side out somehow. ;-)

I am starting to more seriously consider a change of scenery in a couple years. I daydream about how fun it would be to just pick-up and move somewhere different for a fresh perspective on life. Maybe get away from the constant locations and reminders of my college days. For now, I enjoy the sense of familiarity (and I LOVE the Twin Cities) but eventually I might want to try someplace new. Embarking on this adventure would obviously be more fun with a spouse...but if he's going to take so long to find me then I guess I'll have to prayerfully consider what kinds of adventures I am meant to have solo.

Tonight I am meeting up with Angela and a Chipotle burrito. Two great things put together. Lovely.