tick tock, diddly dee

My blogging activity has slowed down considerably these days. I would definintely blog more if I joined the millions of Americans and invested in my own personal MAC or PC. But alas, that requires a certain amount of cash flow which is unavailable at this time. Another funny thing is I'm probably the last girl who goes running with her cd-walkman. But you know what? I've heard countless stories about ipods that crash or break after just two years. I've had my trusty cd-walkman for 7 years, I think. As technology advances and adds all those superb features, there's more stuff that can go wrong in the microchip brain.

Clocks. Maybe I'm a dork, but I think programming clocks to read correctly is kind of fun. I enjoy this activity at the start and end of daylight savings time. (maybe for the 30 seconds of entertainment it provides or maybe it's the humorous childhood memory it evokes of dad traipsing around the house at midnight in his pajamas to fix the clocks before he goes to bed...he took much pride in this bi-annual task) But what confuses me is people who seem to love clocks but don't take care of fixing the time. For example, the other day I was cleaning the house (as part of my rental duties) and I was kind of in a time crunch. I just wanted to glance at a clock to see how I was doing time-wise. I kid you not, I looked at 6 clocks in the room before I found one that actually displayed the correct time. I guess my thoughts are- if you aren't going to program your clocks just pack them away or sell them- whatever- 'cause otherwise it's just something extra for me to dust.

Visitation. I'm gettin' pretty pumped 'cause Michelle and Caitlin, two of my closest friends from junior high & up are coming to visit me in 2 weeks! It's not quite girls weekend b/c my bestest friend Emili can't make the trip due to responsibilities back in Belgium. (Not the country, folks- the town in Wisconsin that's a corn island...almost every way into town is surrounded by corn fields) But at least 3 of the 4 ACE High girls will be together enjoying each others company. What to do... I want to take them to Movie in the Park, maybe go to The Dakota Jazz club or The Fineline Music Cafe, and Caitlin needs to shop at Heartbreaker in Uptown (they have scarves galore & she love, love, LOVES scarves).

This just in--> Josh might be coming up to visit in the next couple of weeks too! Otherwise we'd have 53 days in between seeing each other and that's entirely too long. There's a large tribe of people who want to meet him still, so I'll have to make some arrangements while he stays in the Twin Cities. It will be spectacular to spend time with him here on my "stomping grounds".

bite-size faith cheerios

I've been thinking about FAITH lately. Turns out- it's complex, yet simple. As I journaled about this the other night, I realized there are several other basics that get paired with a healthy faith.

For example, surrender.

You can't have a strong faith without surrender.

And it's not just a one time deal- you get to keep practicing surrender with your faith 'cause as crazy, fallen humans we keep taking the control away from God. We keep falling into this grand illusion that somehow our way is better, easier, more manageable because it takes the mystery of how God will choose to work out of the Faith equation.

Then there is the arch nemesis of faith- doubt. Except for doubt could also be the greatest allie to faith. You see, doubt can either spiral you deep down and make you lose your faith completely.

OR

It can be the element that makes you think critically about faith- test it and find that it makes faith emerge stronger, brighter, bolder than ever before. Thus becoming the element you needed to get your rear in gear and put some muscle to that anorexic faith.

See? Tricky.

Anyway- it made me see in a fresh way how much we need the truth of Scripture in our hearts. It's in those moments of doubt and lack of surrender that we are reminded by the Holy Spirit's prompting what IS truth. He is so good to remind us of those things when we begin to sink into ourselves. We/I am so unworthy; but it doesn't matter. He goes to search us out again & again and bring us back into his safe pasture.

This is the great Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that we serve. Someone who searches us out when we carelessly wander away from safe pasture. He is worthy of all power and glory forever and ever. Amen.

grocery stores and cowbell

I was overcome last night by cravings. Food cravings of the grandest sort. It was 10:37pm and I wanted a grapefruit. And Muenster cheese.

Before you knew it, I was walking through Byerly's (lovingly referred to as the CARPETED grocery store), in my pajamas. I located the grapefruit- chose the roundest one and headed for the Dairy section. There I located the deliciousness known as Muenster. No other cheese would do. That's what I wanted. A smile of satisfaction crept across my face, and I pranced out of the grocery store one very happy woman. Thus is the freedom of a single lady with a car.

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I love songs that use a cowbell. There's something very distinct and quirky about this instrument. I immediately begin to picture Will Ferrell make a fool out of himself- pounding on the cowbell in one memorable SNL skit. Immediate smile.

orange julius

Paco & his bag of chips- I was walking by a fast food place the other day when I noticed this man standing around & behind the building- probably on break. I watched him as he glanced to and fro- upon determining (inaccurately, i might add) that he was not being watched- he took the last crumbly bits hand full of chips and shoved them in his mouth like he was in some kind of Crumbly Chip Eating Contest. It was kinda funny. I smiled to myself and kept walking.

Smooth talker- There's this coworker from another office who calls me sometimes and keeps asking me to talk like radio syndicated host Delilah. She says I have a very nice phone voice. It's calming. Perhaps I should start my own radio show and give people crap advice and play cheesy, older-than-dirt songs to fit the listener mood.

Kodak moments- Organization is sweet. In preparation for relocating my home, I decided to buy some photo albums and put all the pictures that were still in their nice little red photo packets into a book. It took me a long time because there's always the random pictures you stumble upon through the picture piles that should have been in the book on page 5-12, but now you're on page 60. My Type A tendencies finally began to diminish about hour 3 into the project. I finally just created a Randoms photo album. It's very representative of my life, so I'm not too bothered by it. Overall, I'd say it was fun and relaxing and a jont down memory lane. Things I had forgotten that I'd done or experienced. But it was mostly weird because I could remember the exact emotion and moment of the picture taking day. Memory is quite sci-fi.

Husband and Wife Forevah- So, my little brother is going to pledge his love & devotion forever to Desiree this weekend. (Side note: When she tells you to remember the spelling of her name as "It's spelled like desire, but then add an 'e'." ...don't laugh. She really is quite serious about this little memory trick.) Jennifer and I will help with the decorations and have a grand ol' time, I'm sure. More details and pictures on this post-wedding.

Sales calls- Don't ever respond with interest to those auto glass people over the phone. They start to stalk you and not leave you voicemails. Instead, they choose to call every hour until you answer (even if you tell them to leave a message). Seething annoyance begins to rise. What began as a mere curiousity in auto glass coverage turns into being forced to replace a windshield (that really wasn't bothering you very much at all). Lame.

The End.

heavy metal screaming encore

ARRRRRRgh. Smeesh. Blah.

I have not been in the highest of spirits lately. So many thoughts buzzing in my brain. So many things to do. Worry begins to creep in, and I realize I'm doubting God's timeframe.

I just want to get out. I wanna be done and move on with my life. I wanna kiss it all goodbye and not have to deal with stupid "politics". Run--> my natural response to unpleasantness.

This is transition time for me- in so many different areas. A general sense of uneasiness, impatience, and bad attitude pervade my days. I don't like it very much. In fact, I try to pray it all away- but it doesn't work all the time. I feel like such a downer. Then I just want to isolate myself and protect everyone around me from "catching" my mopiness. (Is that even a word? It is today, i guess) Panic tries to creep in as unending, undetermined future spans beyond the horizon.

I have a headache.

*sigh*

stupid adulthood. i curse the day you arrived.

A poem:

wild and free i use to be

coffee and friends abound;

now i'm alone with no one at home

and question marks speckle the room.

The End

(I never said it was good)

David has words.

I was reminded of this passage today and thought I'd share it with my faithful readers.

Psalm 27
A psalm of David.

1 The Lord is my light and my salvation— so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble? 2 When evil people come to devour me, when my enemies and foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. 3 Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will not be afraid. Even if I am attacked, I will remain confident.
4 The one thing I ask of the Lord— the thing I seek most— is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord’s perfections and meditating in his Temple. 5 For he will conceal me there when troubles come; he will hide me in his sanctuary. He will place me out of reach on a high rock. 6 Then I will hold my head high above my enemies who surround me. At his sanctuary I will offer sacrifices with shouts of joy, singing and praising the Lord with music.
7 Hear me as I pray, O Lord. Be merciful and answer me! 8 My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.” And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.” 9 Do not turn your back on me. Do not reject your servant in anger. You have always been my helper. Don’t leave me now; don’t abandon me, O God of my salvation! 10 Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close.
11 Teach me how to live, O Lord. Lead me along the right path, for my enemies are waiting for me. 12 Do not let me fall into their hands. For they accuse me of things I’ve never done; with every breath they threaten me with violence. 13 Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living.
14 Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

this one is for the fans

Much has transpired throughout the last couple weeks. Some of it I won't write about because the ambiguous "they" say- it's not a good idea to write about anything you wouldn't want the whole world to have access too.

("Everybody is kung fu fighting! Fast as lightning...")

I spent a lovely Memorial Day weekend at camp with the family. Well, part of the family anyway... Mom, Dad, Timothy, & Jotham. Is it bad that I really don't feel like being friendly and meeting new people when I'm there? I just get tired of meeting people and being forced into shallow conversation. I'd rather give my family the time & attention I usually can't (due to distance), & catch up with the old friends that inevitably cross my path when I'm at CFS. Timothy & I took a canoe out on the lake and we paddled out to the giant underwater rock in honor of Emili. I try to do that when I'm there- have a moment with the rock on her behalf. Timothy says he's never seen the rock before- I think he's taking crazy pills. Pretty sure he has.

Jotham & I also spent time floating around the lake via canoe. (Can you tell that I prefer them?) He kept wanting to approach the shore so he could see down to the bottom. He started pointing out different pieces of coral. Without crushing his little spirit, I tried to explain that there is no coral in Central Wisconsin freshwater lakes. He also showed me the spots that pirates probably left buried, soggy treasure. This time, I just listened and smiled. Imagination is a beautiful thing.

After going to a camp for so long, all mom & I are really interested in is beach time. Sure, we do the courtesy walk around & see the mini-farm, archery, & air rifles....but we always end up back at the beach- soaking up solar Vitamin D. In my opinion, all good vacations should involve a beach.

Following the holiday weekend, I was able to head home to Wisconi & spend a few days with the boyfriend, Josh. I have been withholding this important information from public forums because I wanted him to meet mom & dad first. Now that we can check the Meet & Greet off the list- I may write more about him in my blogs. (Even though he's kind of anti-blog. Not sure why- as I appreciate it for the artistic expression. To each his own, i suppose.)

Josh asked me what I wanted to do this summer together. I told him (with great exuberance, I might add)... I WANNA RIDE ROLLERCOASTERS! So, we planned a trip to Six Flags Great America with my big bro, Timothy, & Josh's sidekick, Paul. Upon arriving in the theme park, we all decided to conquer the Giant Drop first since we dislike this ride the most. We did it, but I gotta say there were a few of us squirming in our seats and whining like babies as the ride lifted us higher & higher into the air- relief was found as we all screamed like school girls when the ride dropped us several stories down to the ground.

We decided to ride The Raging Bull 'coaster next- upon entering the waiting line corral...I was informed purses were no longer allowed on most of the rollercoaster rides. (A cheap ploy by Six Flags management to eek yet another buck out of you for choosing their overpriced theme park.)

This is when St. Michael appeared out of the masses & offered us the sweetest deal of the day. He will hold my purse if we want to take a free, hour long VIP tour of Six Flags...take us straight to the front of the lines on 5 rollercoasters & let us pick whatever seat we want. Yes, thank you, I will take the front row. What a wonderful & unexpected surprise...thanks to my purple parcel & St. Michael.

(Warning: Before you choose to ride 5 of the most extreme rollercoasters in an hour, it's always good to consider the effect it may have on your stomach. I'm not gonna say who- but someone's stomach didn't hold very well & it was not a pretty color coming up & out.)

It was a great day. We left the park with a great deal of accomplishment knowing we had conquered all the coasters.

Think I'm gonna end it here... sure there were many other things that happened over the week- Espresso by Jennifer, Em & Mel's Coffee Tales, & QT with dear, ol' dad. But, I haven't even started the task I came to the library to accomplish.

Love to you all* :)